May 16, 2021

You Should Date a Bicyclist Woman for These 10 Reasons

“Ten Points Why You Shouldn’t Dating a Motorist” by RideApart made me laugh. However, there was something in the sarcasm that made me feel. I’m not sure, guilty of laughing. If you read it again (which I recommend), you’ll notice that it’s a plea for help. First and foremost, the author uses the term “motorcyclist” to only refer to heterosexual male riders, implying that he’s either old or has been living under a rock. It would help if you didn’t laugh at these folks in any case. Second, the poor guy must be so depressed by non-riding females’ unreasonable expectations that he’s genuinely attempting to persuade them not to date him (and you, if you’re a heterosexual male who rides a motorcycle). That’s heartbreaking. Then he reveals his unique nasal mucosa condition, which allegedly affects a lot of heterosexual male motorcycle riders. Being a girl, I have no idea what he’s talking about; we don’t get “boogers.” In any case, the article made me think. Perhaps you bikers (males who ride motorbikes who are heterosexual) are hunting for love in all the wrong places. Maybe you might look for a woman who enjoys riding a motorcycle. Consider some less obvious reasons why hanging out with someone who shares your interests could be a good idea.

We don’t take much luggage.

All a girl needs for a trip fits neatly into a tank bag: toothbrush, bikini, little black dress, heels, sunscreen, lip gloss, mascara, and a tire pressure gauge, according to science. Girls that ride motorcycles are well aware of this. he will stuff no big bags with “essentials” like new underwear and shampoo for you to lug about for her. We probably already have a great tank bag that doubles as a stylish handbag.

We’re a Budget Date

Of course, our ideal date consists of a lengthy ride on a curvy road followed by lunch at a restaurant where the hostess refers to the man cooking sandwiches as “dad.” Forget $15 martinis and $40 sea bass; a Frog Dog and a beer at the races will suffice. Bonus: our tanks are already full when we arrive.

We Get It: You’re a rock star for riding your scarlet-faired torque-monster of an Italian race bike down your GPS’s “scenic route,” which turned out to be sixteen miles of twisting, mostly-dry dirt logging trails and moss-slimed riverbeds? That’s something we understand. You’re a rock legend. We’ll most likely attack you.

We’re a tough bunch.

We’ve been there, done that, and we’re not about to cry if (or when) it happens again. It takes a lot to bring tears to the eyes of female motorcyclists.

Ex-girlfriends Are Terrified Of Us

Your nut-job ex sees you holding hands with some lady who’s clutching a helmet in the other, and suddenly, camping out on your porch with a batch of your favorite cookies on what would have been the second anniversary of your first date doesn’t seem like such a smart idea. Even if you’re taking the new gal to her pearl-pink Vespa, that lunatic sees “BIKER-CHICK.” We’re kind of up there in the strange hierarchy of female badasses. Right next to Heidi Klum and female Navy Seals.

We’re a leather-obsessed bunch.

Is there anything else I can say?

We’ll help you in ways you’ve never experienced before.

As any man in a stable, cohabitation relationship with a woman knows, to maintain emotional homeostasis, all major purchases (whatever purpose) must be approved by the female. That is correct. It’s the woman who wears the financial pants in 80 percent of American households, so it’s to your best advantage if she also likes motorcycles. We’ll not only approve your purchase of that antique scrambler or the most recent bike of the year, but we might even surprise you with it on your birthday. We’ll also make sure you’re properly outfitted. If some poor guy comes up to you and says, “I’ve always wanted a motorcycle, but my wife won’t allow me to have one,” twist that knife. Tell him it was purchased for you by your girlfriend or wife.

We’ll get off your back (and stay off it).

It’s true: cycling without a 130-pound backpack is a lot more enjoyable. Why, based on my extensive understanding of spinal anatomy and physiology, I predict that riding solo might increase the average 30-year-old rider’s total lifetime and ride-years by 17.4 years*, merely by removing the added physical weight of a passenger. Do you follow where I’m heading with this? It’s beneficial to date a woman who rides her bike.

We’ll make your mother happy.

Every mother subconsciously hopes her son will date a strong woman, even if she won’t acknowledge it at first. When she tells your mother that she works part-time as a dancer at a “gentleman’s club” while training to be a tattoo artist, this is your ace in the hole. Mom will overlook anything because she rides a motorcycle and is so powerful. “Good; let her take charge,” is the thought process here. And if your girlfriend can’t turn you into a man with her motorcycle-riding, pole-dancing, tattoo artist girlfriend, get help. (By the way, most of us aren’t pole dancers or tattoo artists.)

Every guy you know (and a lot more guys you don’t) will be envious of you.

When you tell a male you know about a girl who rides a motorcycle, his mind goes into overdrive. (See GF above, a motorcycle rider, pole dancer, and tattoo artist.) Allow it to happen.

Finally, we’ll ramp it up to eleven: satire is our jam. At least, that’s how most of us feel.

Have I persuaded you?

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